Nanny on Sale

How the conversation went at dinner tonight:
Mom: "Maybe we should get a nanny" (joking around with my dad).
Dad: "Haha, yeah we should."
(Meanwhile, Hannah and David were having a separate conversation about whether or not to see Harry Potter 7 in the theater or wait for the DVD).
Hannah: "Just wait, it'll be on sale at blockbuster in a month for 10 bucks."
Dad: (laughing) What!? Blockbusters really lowered their standards if they're selling 10 dollar NANNIES now!"

Jello

Me: (pointing to a package of jello I was making) "Is this the right size?"
Dad: "Your shirt or those pants? Personally I think...."
Me: "NO dad I meant the jello. Thanks though, this is going on my blog."

Soul Surfer

Dad: "How was the movie?"

Me: "It wasn't bad! I liked it. Except when the shark attacked..that was freaky."

Dad: "Ohh you saw that movie? What was it called again.. Shark-Bite-Arm-Off-Girl"? Sharkies Attack?"

Me: "No.. Soul Surfer. Haha."

Camel Shopping

My mom and sister were discussing horse prices at dinner when David randomly chimed in:
"You know what surprises me? How much the average camel costs. I mean...you need half a million dollars if you even want to consider buying one."
Me: "......."
David: "What??"
Me: "I think its more surprising that you actually know how much a camel costs."
David: "I camel shop every week. Duh."

Ice Cream

Me: "Can you save me some ice cream? Make sure Hannah doesn't eat it all!"
Dad: "Ha ha ha slurp lick ha ha."
(separate message a minute later): "..What ice cream?"
hahahaha

Texting Language

Me: "R u guys watching fireworks anywhere?"
Dad: "Mot Reilly. I cam heer sum. I saw sum on tv. W r gioig to do sum of rs in drvwy. We cam sav sum fr u tho."
Me: "Is that english!?"

Dot Dash

Upon listening to a police scanner and hearing morse code, my dad exclaims: "Holy crap!! I just understood that!! Dot dot dash dot dash! Woah!"
Me: "No..dad. Just no."

Cereal Killer

As a result of the recent mass murder that occurred in Grand Rapids, my family was discussing whether or not the murderer would be considered a serial killer or mass murderer.
Me: "I don't think serial killers take their victims all at once, they use more of a strategic and spread out plan. Right?"
Dad: "No you've got it all wrong. A serial killer only kills at breakfast time. Actually....he only kills cereal. Therefore this man is certainly not a serial killer. This didn't happen anywhere near breakfast time."

4th of July

Sarah: "Dad why are you wearing black on the 4th of july??  So un-patriotic."
Dad: "Oh didn't you get the memo? Black is the new red white and blue. I'm chic. I like to follow the latest trends."

Black Beard

We were all watching baseball one night, and my family had some funny things to say about the opposing team's pitcher, pictured above...

Hannah: "Hey dude, Moses called and he wants his beard back!"

Michael: "What is Fidel Castro doing playing major league baseball...!?"

Dad: "AHH ITS BLACK BEARD!"

Centaur

I walked downstairs one evening to come across the most peculiar conversation....
Hannah: "I'm going to marry a horse one day! Just watch!"
Dad: "Oh you can have mini centaurs then!!"
Hannah: "Oooh yeah they'll be sooo cute!"

My mom and I at the same time: "What!?! Ew."

My dad and I like to watch the tigers together. If you know anything about baseball you'll understand his stupid joke:
Me: "wow cabrera is really good...!"
Dad: "well he's never actually hit a grand slam while the bases weren't loaded... So he's not THAT good. He's also never hit an RBI when the bases were empty."
Me: "oh really? maybe he isn't that go...HEY WAIT A SECOND..wow good one dad"

random proclamations

During a long and loud fight I had with my sister my dad randomly yelled "HEY!! Winter is coming!!!!"
Me: "..what??"
Dad: "you heard me! Now stop fighting cause winter is coming!"

Misunderstanding

Our Internet connection has been super slow at my house over the past few days. Today I was fed up and asked my dad:
"what's wrong with the Internet??"
His response: "hmm I think it might be the sexual predators. That's a major thing wrong with the internet."
Me: "wow dad haha no I meant why is it so slow?"
Dad: "My answer is still sexual predators."

Random Ones

Me: "hannah wants to know if she can get a churro."

Dad: "Suro."
                                                                                                                   

Dad: "R u picking up H and going to la clinique du shot?"

Me: "Yes. Wait she doesn't have her shot card."

Dad: "She can just, how you say, check een? le desk."

Me: "Good french."
                                                                                                                   

Dad: "Your mom is getting u something to drink. Maybe Gatorade. Chocolate gatorade would be awesome."

Yoda

Me: "Could you look into getting a physical therapist for me for this summer? Thx."
Dad: "Sure. Or how about Yoda? Or maybe even Yoga."
Me: "I think yoda will help."
Dad: "Do or do not. There is no try."

Pod

Me: "I'm not the only late one so its all pod!" (obvious spelling mistake for "good").
Dad: "That's pod. I hope u do pod tonight. I'm glad you're pod."

Random

Me: "I'm getting gas mom said you would reimburse me this time."
Dad: "What u talkin bout Willis?"

8,400,000

My sister texted me from her bedroom asking "where is dad? tell him to come up to say prayers with me before I fall asleep". I relayed this message to my father who then replied "tell Hannah I can't put her to bed and say prayers until I reach 8,400,000 points on bejeweled". Okay, dad. Hahahaha. She texted back complaining "wow hes selfish I need to get up early for pony camp. bejeweled can wait." I love my family hahaha.

I Need Lute Lessons

My guitar broke a while ago, so I was going to text my brother to ask if I could borrow his. On accident, I texted my dad instead, asking if I could borrow his guitar. 
Me: "Can I borrow your guitar please?"
Dad: "That's weird. I don't even have a guitar."
Me: "hahaha whoops I meant to send that to David lol"
Dad: "Maybe u want to borrow my ukulele or maybe my lute."
(10 seconds later)
"Oh no wait. I'm going to play my lute."
Me: "Oh well can I use it when you're done?"
Dad: "Absolutely."

Moms Orders

According to the new Michigan driving law, I'm not allowed to drive past 10 pm. Apparently my mom disagrees. "Cud u plz pck me up a candy bar? If you get pulled over after 10 then tell them ur moms orders" hahaha.

Say No to Drugs

My dad decided to text me a few reminders about what I needed to accomplish one day: 

‎"keep your room clean 2mrw. And bathroom. And stretch your legs. And go to shot clinic. And say no to drugs. Except at shot clinic. Luv ya."